There are a ton of helpful books in the world on every topic. They are written by wise and eloquent people and are meant to help the reader learn and grow. In fact, I own several of these books. They sit undisturbed on my bookshelf with their stiff bindings and treasures of truth trapped inside. I was diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder a few years ago. I was diagnosed as an adult, so I have many memories to review through the lens of an ADD diagnosis.
"So that's why I couldn't study in college unless I shut myself in a deep, dark, quiet hole!"
"So, what you're saying is....not everyone suddenly feels super focused and motivated to work after drinking a cup or two of coffee?"
One part of my life that has been impacted by ADD is the time I (don't) spend with God. It has always been difficult for me to take time each morning to pray and hear from Him. I would sit down and try to focus on what I was reading or hearing or saying. Two sentences in to my prayer and I would catch myself thinking about what I should make for supper that night. These times often ended in resignation to the dysfunction. I would continue with my day, feeling empty inside and angry with my brain. It felt like such hard work! I just had to think of things I want to say to God, remember them and present them verbally in a way that helps me connect, learn, remember, grow. Be quiet and still in His presence. It should have been simple, but it felt impossible.
A few weeks ago I was advised to check out podcasts of sermons by Timothy Keller. So, I sat down one morning, coffee by my side, pen and notebook on my lap, and listened. As I listened, I wrote down the words I was hearing so that I could keep them organized in my mind. I also recorded my thoughts and questions about the message. When I was finished listening, I had filled four pages with writing. The message on the podcast had been clear, enlightening and supported by God's Word. Beyond this, it had penetrated the thick fog that fills my skull. Then, something (not so) profound occurred to me:
God can read.
God is not confined by space or time. He hears prayers when they are just groans and tears. He hears them when they are eloquently spoken aloud and he hears them when they are scribbled in a notebook. Since that first morning, I have filled nearly two journals with words about the gospel, explained to me by one of God's wise and gifted servants. My notes are trimmed with thoughts and prayers that flow easily from my pen. All the while, I know that God is peering over my shoulder, listening to every word I write. I am so thankful that God completely understands and accepts my ADD brain. I am thankful he sends wise pastors to explain the message of the gospel out loud in a way that passes through my mental fog. I am thankful that He hears and treasures my written prayers.
Click here to listen to podcasts of Tim Keller's sermons.
